One of the things I was the most grateful for about the Belgium training was just to have a time set apart from my normal life to refocus my spiritual life and get more mentally prepared for Ethiopia. I know that for me, it's really difficult to be intentional about spending time each day with God, not to mention having like an extended time (maybe a morning or afternoon) where you're really examining your life and getting into the Bible and praying more intentionally about yourself and others around you. It felt great to have time to do that. But like most training/retreats/etc, you go back home at some point and get back into the routine of life. When I was flying back to Atlanta from Brussels and in the first few days of being back here, the thought crossed my mind several times about why it's so hard to keep that momentum going. I really think too I have the unrealistic expectation that in Ethiopia it will be easier to keep my spiritual walk going then it is in Atlanta. I guess because I'll be in "missionary mode then" I don't know why I think that sometimes. But what is likely to happen is that Ethiopia will become my new "normal" and what I am in the habit of doing here in Atlanta will translate into what I'm going to be doing over there. All that to say, I'd like to actually follow through on the spiritual boost I got in Belgium, and hopefully use this transition time I have right now where I'm not working full-time and not yet boarding the plane for Addis, to pick a few hours or a day here & there to just go somewhere and have my own "retreat" with God. FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH IT- now that's going to be the kicker.
There have been other times in my life where I haven't had structured work to do each day every day. Like when I was in graduate school, I had a ton to do but it was up to me how to balance work/school/internship, etc. After school, it took about 2 1/2 months to find a job, which I worked at for 3 months, and then I was laid off. It took another month to find two part-time jobs, and a total of 3 months to get a full-time job. My tendency though when I'm not working full-time is to feel like a slacker and over pack my free time. In Belgium we talked a lot about how being in full-time ministry looks a lot different then maybe an 8-5, M-F job we might be used to in the states. In ministry there's not a clear start or stop time. You might have nationals or people coming to your door at different hours of the day, or getting phone calls about people that need help. For those who have families, they have to balance taking care of their marriage relationship and kids well in addition to ministry/work demands, and singles may struggle with loneliness or how to make friends and work out how to spend time with them (harder when transportation or safety can be a problem). My hope is that maybe in this transition time when I don't have a specific job to do, I can practice being in ministry mode and hopefully get some opportunities to serve, but also balance taking care of myself/my spiritual life and helping family I'm living with as well.
In the past year God has blessed me extremely in this process of preparing to be a missionary. One of the many ways I've seen this is how he's raised all of my financial support in just about 10 months time or so. Other ways have been seeing God provide a place for me to live during this transition, love and support of so many to spend time with while I'm still in Atlanta, opportunities to spend quality time with friends & family before I leave for Ethiopia, a renter for my home, and I'm sure I can think of others. I am exceedingly grateful and humbled about all this stuff. It's hard for me sometimes to be showered with grace! I know that sounds stupid. But it's like, I'd rather be giving out the help, you know? It's hard not to feel indebted towards others, and towards God. But that's what is so interesting, He has set this up so that I can't do this on my own. I have to rely on His help, and the help from others. And I truly believe that they will be blessed by their generosity as well. I know this time of transition is a part of his plan.
It's times like these where I can see bits of heaven while we're still on earth- the joys and blessings of just knowing Him, and walking with Him.
1 comment:
That was a good post with lots of good reminders. Following through is hard for me too, you know. Someone wise once told me to not be so hard on myself...
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