CCMI Brussels, Belgium: Week Three

I think just in addition to how God's been helping me to see that my attitude wasn't quite, er...um...stellar before coming here, he has been giving me gifts left and right by way of my teammates and comrades here at this training. I am always just blown away by how God lavishes his love upon us, even when we don't deserve it or if you're like me, you're worried for some reason that God won't continue to carry me on this journey. But I think for a lot of us, I am more humbled any day by how good, consistent, and faithful God especially when it's clear that I am not those things back to him oftentimes.

This week in training I was asked to do the morning devotional, which is just like a ten minute spiritually focused reading and sharing whatever is on your heart. I decided to share on how Philippians 1:19-21 has been such an encouragement to me in this process. One of the ways it does this is just to quiet my fear about doing this journey alone. That usually is what is the hardest about this is the feeling of having to do this without someone specific experiencing this with me. Sometimes it's hard for me to be self-motivating and to push forward because this missionary stuff & all that's involved can be really daunting. What's been neat about this is that the verses talk about how God is going to work "these things out for my deliverance" which to me is saying there is a bigger purpose to what's going on and that God is going to make me more like Him throughout this. He also has shown me how He is so good, by His character shown in these verses, and then I've been really noticing how he plants gifts in my life as reminders that He is taking care of me.

One example of this at this training is that before I was actually thinking "what if these other missionaries here aren't cool and like don't want to hang out and go places and I have to do things by myself all the time." What's happened in reality, is that I am staying in the only three person room here, so I have two roommates with me almost all the time, and we're living in a dorm style place, so it's really like missionary camp and we're all living together in a dorm- couples, families, singles, etc. Between that and the small number of missionaries at this training (12), we're together a lot. And I'm being totally honest when I say that I am with the most incredible bunch of people. I have been able to have some really good heart-touching conversations where I have felt heard and affirmed and edified just being with someone who knows what it's like to be doing something like this. Everyone is also a lot of fun, and everyone seems adventurous and travels well together. For anyone out there that has had to travel around with groups of people you know, this is a gift from God!!! It's funny too because although I am enjoying my roommates and this dorm so much, there are aspects of it that are making me look forward to living by myself once I got to Ethiopia. Just to have my own space to be able to reflect and think and rest sometimes I think will be good. But when I need people time, I know I will have to trust God to provide that either with His presence or the presence of others cause I'm not sure how that will look over there.

It's helped me to relax a bit and trust that God's going to also take care of these same needs in Ethiopia. Of course it won't look the same, but that's the point. He knows and has been preparing who will be my new support system there. And, I've already been praying that He would bless my support system back in the US, and that He would allow me to trust Him for His plan for those relationships and people I will miss talking too so easily and so much as I do when I'm living in Atlanta. He does have a plan for how that will work out (as I talked about this with Debbie & Ellie this week about what it's like to say goodbye to the kids in your life- like your nieces and nephews- already was crying and I was barely talking about it). It is definitely on my heart to pray for you all- my support team. It is a calling and a cost and a sacrifice for you guys too to have to say goodbye; to let me go. I know that God will also bless your faithfulness and sacrificial love in loving me and being a part of my team.

I wanted to mention a few other highlights from the week. I didn't mention in my last blog that we had a chance to go over to one of the families' houses for dinner from the Persian Church we've been a part of here, and I'll include the picture we took afterwards. It was a wonderful night of fellowship, hospitality and AMAZING food! I've never had Persian food before and man was I missing out. We also got to do a little retreat on Monday morning, using the book "Life Together" by Bonhoeffer as a guide for our prayers and journaling. It was a great focused time to just think about the benefits and challenges of living in community and how to foster healthy ministry with others. The rest of this week Tuesday-Friday we did the PILAT language learning training. This basically teaches you tools on how to learn a second language, and then you practice the tools by learning bits of a language while you're here. My group learned German, but the other group learned Persian (Iranian). It was sometimes a lot of fun but sometimes it was hard and I definitely wanted to quit. If anything though it deepened my commitment and desire to really work on learning Amharic, which I'm going to try to do as much as I can in Atlanta with my friend Nadia once I get back.

I've included also pictures here of the tulips we got when we went to Amsterdam last Saturday (three hours one way by train), and also of a fun pic of our group that we took on our day trip to Brugge, Belgium yesterday.

Let it be to me according to your word

And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.” And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her. ~Luke 1:35-38

Every morning we start our days here in training in Belgium with worship, prayer, and a devotional. I am a sucker for all three, especially when I don't have to plan it but just get to sing and listen and pray using resources that someone else designed. It's cool because sometimes people will think of a song or use a devotion book or a encouraging reading that I don't use or haven't heard of before so it's different. For example, typically we ask one of our participants, 2 1/2 year old Hannah Cordell, for a song request at the end of our worship time, and because of that we've gotten to sing "Away in a Manger", "Jesus Loves Me", and "Holy, Holy, Holy". Pretty great!

Something that just hit me this week was the devotion that Carolyn did on Wednesday morning. It had already been one of those mornings where it just seemed like I could feel a personal connection to the songs picked and the prayers and everything else. It's cool when that happens cause let's be honest, we can all just sort of go through the motions with this stuff sometimes. But it seemed to me like God wanted to show me something that morning. Carolyn's devotion was on these verses that I put at the beginning. Although there are still a plethora of Christmas decorations out and about around Brussels to provide inspiration, what she focused on didn't have to do with Christmas but was focused on the last part of the verse which describes Mary's attitude towards God: "Let it be to me according to your word."

If you follow this blog at all, you've probably read about what my attitude's been like most recently regarding my own calling of serving in Ethiopia, which frankly has not been too positive. I know that a lot of this is normal, and I'm not going to like bash myself or anything about being sad or missing my friends at my old job, or the difficultly in this transition period, etc. However, I was really struck by Mary's simple response and obedience, meanwhile I think I've gotten way too bogged down in my present circumstances. Carolyn shared too about how Mary was likely around 15 years old when the angel informed her of her pregnancy, and that because of the cultural stigma around having a baby out of wedlock, she likely felt the shame of this for HER WHOLE LIFE. Her. Whole. life.

I started thinking about how actually this process of becoming a missionary to Ethiopia has been one of the most encouraging parts of my life. People have come out of the woodwork to support me with their presence, love, homes, finances, prayers, the list goes on and on. I can think of probably at least one example every day of gratefulness and confirmation that this is the path for me. Today's would probably be that I had a long exchange of emails with two of my teammates which reminded me of how much they already love me and support me by making sure I have details I will need in order to live in Ethiopia. I also got an email from someone who wanted to financially support me. However, it is so painfully easy for me though to completely lose sight of this. Sure there have been a small handful of people who have told me I am nuts to my face basically. Or there are days where I absolutely think I will not be able to survive saying goodbye to friends and family for two years. But it does put things into perspective when you think about blessings of God wrapped in Mary's obedience. She was known as the mother of God. I can say to God "sure, I will do what you ask" but then what about when He says I have a perfect plan for you and it's in Africa? That is when my words become actions, and God provides verses like these and people like Carolyn, that bring back to reality the difficulty, yet the joy of knowing that many years ago I made a commitment to live with Jesus as my Lord, which means doing what He asks despite the cost. And you know what, it might be hard but it is so good and sweet all in the same. I would never, ever, want to change that commitment, because His blessings way outweigh these times of pain.

God, may you give me the grace to let it be to me according to your word.

{the included pics are of me and Carolyn, who is currently serving in Uganda, and a pic of me with my mentoring group here in Belgium}

CCMI Brussels, Belgium: Week One

Well I've finished my first five days or so at my training in Belgium. Going into this training I was totally in task mode just hoping I could finish everything involved in moving out of my house and getting ready for my renter, plus squeezing in precious times with friends that I missed seeing from being gone in Minnesota for two weeks. I literally was throwing stuff in my two suitcases and praying that things like my hair mousse and my cardigans and my scarf made it in there and not in some box that ended up elsewhere. I felt really spent. The flight over and everything was uneventful, but, it was awesome to find out that fellow trainees James & Debbie McCormick and Rachel Snider were on my flight. Debbie and I worked in the MTW office together a while back, so I was really excited to see her again and to get to know her husband who is a fellow counselor. We met up with a bunch of others from our group at baggage claim. Total there are 12 MTW missionaries here serving in East Africa, Central Asia, South Asia, Eastern Europe, and one woman who will be in the Appalachia area of the US.

I didn't think I had really any expectations going in, but then as I've settled in I've realized that maybe this training is going differently (not badly, just differently) than I thought. One thing that has totally caught me off guard for some reason is that a big part of this training (it's sort of implied you realize once you're here) is getting to know your way around Brussels, getting to know the Belgian people, and setting up your ministry assignment. The only super structured time is from 8:30-12:30 each weekday morning when we have worship, devotional, and an educational lesson on something that will be valuable to know in learning how to live in another culture on a new team of people. In the afternoons and on weekends you are allowed to build relationships with the people you meet at your ministry assignment, which for me is with a Persian (think Iran) church here in Brussels, complete your cross-cultural assignments (journals and ethnographies) and then you are allowed to plan your free time to learn Brussels. Wow. So basically it's totally like being a missionary but assigned to Belgium, because we do have some structure and ideas of what to do and how to live here, but a lot of it is up to you to figure out how to get around, what to do, what is the most important way to learn your culture and people and how to prioritize your time.

Fortunately doing this all in Brussels is way easier than it will be to do in Ethiopia, I suspect. For example, public transportation is readily available, you can drink the water and have access to fast internet, the Belgian people are very friendly and kind if you ask for help, and A LOT of people know English well. But, it's still hard learning your way around a foreign country. For example, after three relatively easy days of figuring out the train schedule and riding the train to/from Brussels Centre, three of us completely missed our train this afternoon because we didn't hear the announcement in French that our train was now arriving on a different track. We didn't know that could happen- so far the posted track on the schedule you look at initially has been where the train ends up to get you. Because of that what should have taken us about 10 minutes in waiting turned into 40 when we had to wait for a new train to come. There's other little things, which has led to tiredness and withdrawing for me, like learning how to be around a new set of people and personalities, and learning what the routine is here and what's expected, while still adjusting to the time change, etc.

I really didn't think this would be a challenge. I am glad God is humbling me and it will be interesting to see what he has in store. Sunday afternoon will be our first time going to the Persian church (the sermon will be in French) and my prayer is that I can make some good connections with Persian women while I'm here, and also my prayer is that this training will help me to adjust my perspective to my "new" life coming up, which will be living full-time in another culture {africa!!!}

I'm likely laughing at something Debbie just said

I about fell out of my chair when I found out they have Coke Zero here

This is a part of the "exercise room" at the OM Centre where we're staying. This bike had to be from the early 70's, and definitely was a direct replica of someone very special who also exercised using this to stay healthy while living in a hatch...

My team who will be with me at the Persian church ministry assignment, except for Ellie (second from left) who is at the Scottish church. In this pic is Rachel, Ellie, James, Debbie, Megan (holding Kyle), Andrew, and me.

The concept of home

Ahhhh, the elusive concept of home.

If you've ever spent any amount of time with missionaries or people who do a lot of transitioning back and forth between countries, one of the common things is the struggle to define what makes "home" to us. For the past ten years or so if you would have asked me this question, I would have said "Atlanta" although I always end up explaining that I'm originally from Nebraska or Minnesota. This question used to really take me off guard because it was weird identifying myself with the south, with a city I didn't really ever set out to live in but was where God called me to live and have grown to love.

Now that I'm in the process of packing up my literal home of the past 5 1/2 years, I am realizing how deep my roots to this place, this city, really are. Atlanta was where I made my first church membership. This is the first home I have ever purchased. Upon moving in, I really wanted a cat now that I had my own place and didn't have to worry about a pet deposit. The Lord provided me with Sox, who has been a dream kitty that everyone loves. I mean, she purrs anytime you even look at her or say her name! We've had tons of dinners, game nights, deep discussions, LOST parties, birthday parties, prayer gatherings, bible studies, or just sitting TV with blankets in front of the fire listening to the birds out on the pond. It's been such a neat place to live. Of course not every experience in this home was awesome, but isn't that what makes a place home too? It's where we have our most intimate moments with people, in relationships, with our Creator, and it's where we feel safe and loved (we hope- in healthy homes)!

I have also felt a certain element of "home" being at work at MARR. My co-workers are so awesome. I couldn't have asked for better people to be with every weekday! I think I felt at home there because we really did share in each other's lives. We also have to work together to make complex decisions that affect other people. It's extremely emotionally involved, even though we try to not get stuck in how we feel about people. I have felt fear, sadness, angry, joy, sorrow, and anxiety sometimes all in the same day, or same hour, working with patients and families and pointing them somehow to a path of healing. I fell into addiction work totally because of the hand of God- I didn't really seek it out. I had a friend, Teresa, who initially told me about MARR and when I she did I thought the idea of working there seemed nuts. I ended up getting an internship there and later a job. Every day I couldn't believe I got to come to work with this quality of people and do kingdom work. I thought I would only have found that at MTW. God provides and knows exactly what we need.

Now this week I am back into transition mode. My Monday my house will be clean, packed and ready for my renter. I left my job on Dec 16. I am not at work this week like normal. I visited with my family for almost two weeks over Christmas which was probably the longest I had been up there since college. I'm not sure if I will get back before I leave for Ethiopia, but we'll see. I came back from Minnesota to find that my cat Sox, who has been struggling with digestive problems over the past few months, basically stopped eating, and never really recovered. Last night I said goodbye to her with a close friend who also cared about her. I wrote her a letter saying all the things I needed to about our friendship, even though as a cat, I'm sure she was just stoked we were petting her for so long. But I knew the letter was more for me, so that I could say goodbye and let go. Today is the day she will no longer be suffering, but will be at peace. On Monday I leave for training in Belgium for a month, so I can better learn how to live cross-culturally; how to develop my new "home" in Ethiopia for the next two years; how to identify myself as a missionary counselor. After Belgium, and pre-Ethiopia, my "home" will be temporary, with dear friends in Tucker, and my schedule will be flexible. Undefined. For the first time in many years for this length of time. It will be very interesting to see what adventures lie ahead.

I am more grateful then ever for my constant- The Lord, who has encourages me through His Word and my awesome support system from you all. I am blessed.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." ~James 1:17

Me with my MARR mug in Tommy's office during my last week

What I used to do!

Goodbye cake at Christmas potluck- taken 12/14/11

A lot of the work fun comes from these people, and they were the brainchildren behind the cake

My brother took this fun pic in Minnesota- that's me with his dog Gunter

Sox