If you've ever spent any amount of time with missionaries or people who do a lot of transitioning back and forth between countries, one of the common things is the struggle to define what makes "home" to us. For the past ten years or so if you would have asked me this question, I would have said "Atlanta" although I always end up explaining that I'm originally from Nebraska or Minnesota. This question used to really take me off guard because it was weird identifying myself with the south, with a city I didn't really ever set out to live in but was where God called me to live and have grown to love.
Now that I'm in the process of packing up my literal home of the past 5 1/2 years, I am realizing how deep my roots to this place, this city, really are. Atlanta was where I made my first church membership. This is the first home I have ever purchased. Upon moving in, I really wanted a cat now that I had my own place and didn't have to worry about a pet deposit. The Lord provided me with Sox, who has been a dream kitty that everyone loves. I mean, she purrs anytime you even look at her or say her name! We've had tons of dinners, game nights, deep discussions, LOST parties, birthday parties, prayer gatherings, bible studies, or just sitting TV with blankets in front of the fire listening to the birds out on the pond. It's been such a neat place to live. Of course not every experience in this home was awesome, but isn't that what makes a place home too? It's where we have our most intimate moments with people, in relationships, with our Creator, and it's where we feel safe and loved (we hope- in healthy homes)!
I have also felt a certain element of "home" being at work at MARR. My co-workers are so awesome. I couldn't have asked for better people to be with every weekday! I think I felt at home there because we really did share in each other's lives. We also have to work together to make complex decisions that affect other people. It's extremely emotionally involved, even though we try to not get stuck in how we feel about people. I have felt fear, sadness, angry, joy, sorrow, and anxiety sometimes all in the same day, or same hour, working with patients and families and pointing them somehow to a path of healing. I fell into addiction work totally because of the hand of God- I didn't really seek it out. I had a friend, Teresa, who initially told me about MARR and when I she did I thought the idea of working there seemed nuts. I ended up getting an internship there and later a job. Every day I couldn't believe I got to come to work with this quality of people and do kingdom work. I thought I would only have found that at MTW. God provides and knows exactly what we need.
Now this week I am back into transition mode. My Monday my house will be clean, packed and ready for my renter. I left my job on Dec 16. I am not at work this week like normal. I visited with my family for almost two weeks over Christmas which was probably the longest I had been up there since college. I'm not sure if I will get back before I leave for Ethiopia, but we'll see. I came back from Minnesota to find that my cat Sox, who has been struggling with digestive problems over the past few months, basically stopped eating, and never really recovered. Last night I said goodbye to her with a close friend who also cared about her. I wrote her a letter saying all the things I needed to about our friendship, even though as a cat, I'm sure she was just stoked we were petting her for so long. But I knew the letter was more for me, so that I could say goodbye and let go. Today is the day she will no longer be suffering, but will be at peace. On Monday I leave for training in Belgium for a month, so I can better learn how to live cross-culturally; how to develop my new "home" in Ethiopia for the next two years; how to identify myself as a missionary counselor. After Belgium, and pre-Ethiopia, my "home" will be temporary, with dear friends in Tucker, and my schedule will be flexible. Undefined. For the first time in many years for this length of time. It will be very interesting to see what adventures lie ahead.
I am more grateful then ever for my constant- The Lord, who has encourages me through His Word and my awesome support system from you all. I am blessed.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." ~James 1:17
Me with my MARR mug in Tommy's office during my last week
What I used to do!
Goodbye cake at Christmas potluck- taken 12/14/11
A lot of the work fun comes from these people, and they were the brainchildren behind the cake
My brother took this fun pic in Minnesota- that's me with his dog Gunter
Sox
4 comments:
As a person who has moved often in her lifetime, I can relate to much of what you say, Jessica. I cling to the image that home, in its truest sense, is in the heart of Jesus. Every day, you and I get the opportunity to live the Kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven, so home is both an ever-present place and an ever-longed-for place. As you go forth to all that our Lord has in store for you, may you know that many lift you up to Him for His blessing, for His strengthening, for His power to infuse you as you offer home to others along your journey forward.
Hi, so sorry for your loss of Sox. I'll keep you in my prayers for your next journey of training and your loss. Let me know if you need anything. Love, Ann
I know this is a hard time for you, and I love your transparency here. Can I say though, that I am so excited for you that I barely stand it. You are doing something for the Lord that so few would ever consider and you will be richly rewarded for your loving obedience. You're the best!
I know the feeling. I pray that God will bless you with peace during this transition and give you firm roots in your new home in Africa!
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