Why do this

Last week I travelled to Minnesota to visit family and have a break from work and my normal life. Because I live so far away, it's always a time to reconnect and catch up with as many people as I can (I have about 46 first cousins, and numerous aunts and uncles, so it's impossible to really talk to everyone). One of the catch up questions that I was repeatedly asked is to explain why I'm going to Ethiopia and what I'm going to be doing there. Everyone was so genuinely curious, and I forget a lot of times how strange it is to move to Africa for two years while you're in your early 30's, unmarried, own a home, and seemingly in the middle of a completely different career. Of course in my mind, it makes complete sense.

One of the things that I hoped I conveyed to people when they asked, is that I have had a deep desire to live in another country, doing full-time ministry, for long time. It's a desire that for a long while I thought would go away, that would never really be affirmed, especially when I had opportunities to pursue going much earlier then this, but then God would close those doors and lead me elsewhere. Especially too as I got older, started a job in the addictions field, got involved in a great new church-plant, etc it didn't seem to make sense how something like this Ethiopia ministry would ever come about. However, as I prayed and sought wisdom from God and others and as I remained single despite any efforts in my own control to be otherwise, I finally acknowledged that the missions desire was still there, and that miraculously it seemed to be growing. The good thing about being single too is that the choice could be between God and me, which does make that simpler in some ways. Do I wish I could be married, have an opportunity to have children, and minister as a wife and maybe a mom either in the US or overseas someday? Of course. If I was honest about it, this is my greatest desire, and sometimes unfortunately more so then my desire to please God. But God always gently reminds me that I can't be outside of His will if I continuously find my way back to seeking His, and surrender to Him when I'm not, and to want to be with Him ultimately no matter what my heart longs for on this earth.

The other thing that was on my heart to convey is that I'm not a saint. I also don't believe that missionaries, single or not, are saints, or are somehow closer to God, or are somehow have God in their back pocket. I believe that I am serving God just as genuinely now as a single person as my friends are who are buying homes and having their second children and ministering in the ways that their time and efforts allow. When I was in Minnesota I got to spend some time on the volleyball court and around the bonfire with one of my cousin's husbands. I was struck by how he provides for his family by working third shift at the railroad of his local town, while taking care of his daughter on his own until he married my cousin. It seemed to me at least, that this guy is doing exactly what God wants Him to do. And I have no idea how many people he effects by his life and example.

I am incredibly blessed to be able to even have this opportunity to do this. Just like in all of our lives, certain events, choices, and factors are involved to create us who we are today. I could never, ever, work on a railroad, or design software, or be an engineer. But I do think I have gifts to be a counselor, and to live in another country, and to use my gifts to help kids and families who potentially never have a way to ask for help, or to have their hearts and lives changed by God through what I have to offer. Sometimes I do let myself believe that God is paving a way to give me a shot at this long-awaited for goal. It's amazing to be His child!